The 7 Conversations You Need to Have Before It’s Too Late
Talking about death isn’t easy. Many people avoid it altogether, thinking they have more time, or not wanting to make things uncomfortable. But when someone dies without sharing their wishes, it often leaves behind uncertainty, confusion, and heartbreak. Having clear, compassionate conversations now can ease emotional stress later. These are not just practical discussions. They are acts of love. They give your family and chosen people clarity, confidence, and the ability to honour your life with intention. Here are seven conversations that can change everything, bringing comfort, direction, and a deeper sense of connection before it’s too late.
Aditi
4 min read
Why These Conversations Matter
When someone dies, their absence leaves a space that words can never fill. But knowing what they wanted, what they valued, and how they wished to be remembered can bring deep comfort.
These conversations don’t eliminate grief, but they can soften it. They reduce uncertainty. They ease guilt. They provide a sense of direction in the most difficult moments.
More than anything, they honour the connection between people. Because when we talk about death with honesty and care, we’re really talking about life: what matters, what we value, and how we choose to love.
Here are the 7 conversations you should be having (ideally, thinking about and sharing for yourself, as well as your loved ones):
1. What Matters to You at the End of Life?
Start with the big picture. What does a ‘good death’ mean to you? Is it being at home, surrounded by people you love? Is it having your hand held, hearing music you enjoy, or simply being treated with dignity?
This conversation isn’t about specific medical interventions just yet. It’s about values. Letting your loved ones know what matters most to you at the end can help guide decisions if you’re ever unable to speak for yourself.
Questions to explore:
If I became seriously unwell, what would be most important to me?
Are there people, places, or rituals that would bring comfort?
What would I want those last days to feel like?
2. Medical Decisions and Future Care
If you were unable to make medical decisions for yourself, who would you trust to decide for you? What choices would you want them to make? Would you want all possible treatments, or would comfort take priority?
Many people find this topic confronting, but it is one of the most powerful conversations you can have. Knowing your wishes can prevent confusion and guilt among those who love you.
Things to consider:
Appointing an Enduring Guardian or decision-maker
Writing an Advance Care Plan
Discussing what treatments or interventions align with your values
3. Legal and Financial Matters
It may not be emotional in the same way, but this conversation can save an extraordinary amount of stress later. When someone dies without a will or clear instructions, it can create legal delays, family conflict, and significant financial pressure.
Make space to talk about:
Whether you have a will, and where it’s stored
Who you’ve nominated as executor
Superannuation, insurance, and any debts or accounts
Passwords and access to important documents
Even if you’re still organising these, letting someone know what exists and where to find it can make a world of difference.
4. Funeral and Farewell Wishes
It’s one of the first things people must organise after someone dies, yet it’s rarely discussed beforehand. Having a conversation about the kind of farewell you’d want gives your loved ones guidance during one of their hardest days.
Would you prefer cremation or burial? A quiet ceremony or a big celebration? What music, readings, food, or cultural elements would reflect you?
Don’t worry about getting every detail right. The aim is to ease the burden for others and help them feel confident they’re honouring you as you’d want.
This conversation is also a chance to explore your beliefs about death itself; what it means to you, and what kind of legacy you’d like to leave behind.
5. Digital Life and Social Media
More and more of our lives are lived online. Email accounts, photo libraries, social media, subscriptions, online banking; these don’t disappear when we die. Yet, very few people talk about what should happen to their digital presence.
Consider:
Who should access or manage your accounts?
Do you want your social media profiles memorialised or closed?
What online subscriptions should be cancelled?
Are there photos, videos, or creative works you want saved and shared?
A simple list of logins, stored securely, and a few clear wishes about your digital legacy can prevent confusion and protect your online identity.
6. Messages for the People You Love
This is one of the most meaningful conversations, and often the one we postpone until it’s too late. It’s a chance to share the words that matter most: your love, your hopes, your stories, your memories.
You might write letters, record voice notes, or simply take time to tell people what they mean to you. These messages can become treasured keepsakes, especially for children or grandchildren who may grow up with only fragments of memory.
It doesn’t need to be formal. A short conversation, a heartfelt note, or a shared story can mean everything.
7. What You Need from Them, Now and Later
Many of these conversations are not just about you. They’re also an invitation for others to reflect on their plans. What do they need? How can you support each other through life’s inevitable changes?
This conversation may include:
Asking someone if they feel comfortable being your decision-maker
Talking openly about ageing, illness, or long-term care needs
Sharing how you’d like to be remembered, and how they might carry your memory forward
It’s also a good time to discuss boundaries. Not everyone will be comfortable with these topics, and that’s okay. By naming what you need, whether that’s practical help or emotional support, you give others a chance to show up in ways that matter.
You Don’t Have to Cover Everything at Once
These seven conversations are important, but they don’t need to happen all at once, or all in one sitting. Small, gentle steps often work better than a big, overwhelming download.
You might begin by saying:
“I read something recently about end-of-life planning. It made me realise there are a few things I want to share with you.”
“If something ever happened to me, I’d want to know you weren’t left guessing. Can we talk about a few things?”
“Would you ever consider writing down what you’d want, so we’re not trying to figure it out during a crisis?”
Sometimes, beginning with curiosity, rather than instruction, opens the door more easily.
If talking about it feels too hard, or your loved ones aren't open to these conversations, please write down your wishes anyway. They'll be grateful when the time comes.
Our Legacy Kits are the ideal place to document everything, with comprehensive, step-by-step guidance.